2019 08 17 Later that day… derr..

  • Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. …
  • The difference between stupidityand genius is that genius has its limits. …

 

So, dear reader, I am sure that you are positively itching to hear the next installment of the little running side story of the misbehaving key fob.

 

Well…  my friend, Adrienne, took me to get my prescriptions and to search for a fresh battery.  The pharmacy was out of that particular item.  So, we went over to Safeway and picked up one that had the right numbers and volts.  Adrienne is very handy to have around.  She excels in 2 areas where I am galactically challenged.  She is tall and can reach things and she also has way better eyesight and can read fine print.

It was especially kind of her today, since she is trying to frost 120 cupcakes that she made for a wedding that starts at 1:00.  I told her she could just slow down to 5mph and I would jump out.  Going above and beyond the call of duty as she does, she exchanged the batteries for me and when we pulled up to my car, she said, “Push it!”  I pushed it.  NOTHING.  I thanked her profusely and told her to go on because she needed to go and I came  in the house.

My sister suggested that I just use my emergency key inside the fob.  (This reminds me of the guy who bought the chainsaw and took it back because it didn’t cut very well.  The shop owner started it up and the guy jumped back and said, “What’s that noise???”)  

Suddenly, I have great sympathy for that guy.

I decided to look for another you tube video to see how to get the emergency key out of the fob.

While I was searching for a video, my friend Marj called.  She said, “Jim (her husband) just had a thought.  He wondered if the reason your fob won’t work is because it needs to be in sync with your car battery and maybe your car battery is dead?

“Oh, thanks,” I said. “Tell Jim thanks for adding one more quirk to this whole goofy business!”

After my conversation with her, I decided to just call Beaverton Kia.

Thank the Lord, I didn’t tell him my name.  Of course my more than 5 readers – which turns out are a lot more than 5 – thank you so much!!  —-  all know my name…  but that never stopped me before..  and please don’t blame my sister for the way I am….  She has tried, Lord knows, she has tried… 

The Kia service guy sounded a bit confused.  He said, “Is there a reason why you can’t just use the key in the lock in the drivers door handle?”

My response:  (Jumping up from my sitting position on my bed and craning my neck at the window to see if I could see a lock on the door handle of my car) uh…  well…  of course!  Yes,  why don’t I just go do that?  Uh… thank you so much for your help…  and…  uh…  and thanks..  and uh..  have a nice afternoon!” 

 

I grabbed the key and rushed out to the car. 

Right in front of me. 

Plain as day. 

A big fat key lock. 

Right there.

 On the handle. 

Of the drivers side door. 

There. 

On my car. 

A car I have  been driving for 6 years. 

I laughed. 

Then I wanted to poke a fork in my eye. 

I said to myself, “Now that I can get in my car, I will just drive myself right over to some facility that takes stupid old women and check in.”

I stuck my key in the lock and opened the car door. 

Yup.  Just like that. 

I got in and sat down. 

Yup.  This is my car.

I stuck the key in the ignition and started the car.

Well, not really.

THE BATTERY IS DEAD.

I wanted to swing the visor down and smack myself in the head with it. 

But I’m too short.

So,  now I will call my friend, Marj, who so kindly offered to do whatever she could to help me and hopefully she or her husband can help me get my car started. 

 

Thank you so much for wading through this with me!! I deeply admire your fortitude!

Stay tuned.. 

 

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2019 08 17 BUSTED: A funny thing happened on the way to the pharmacy

Well..

Stuff is happening!

Baby steps of course, but actual real positive things are happening.

I sent back the Privacy Release Form to U.S. Senator Ron Wyden’s office as requested.

And now..

Look at this very nice email I received from the General Headquarters of the Church of the Nazarene.
RESPONSE FROM:
JOY HARTKE, ADMINISTRATIVE DIRECTOR,
OFFICE OF THE BOARD OF GENERAL SUPERINTENDENTS, LENEXA, KS
Evajean,

Thank you for the email we received in the office of the Board of General Superintendents. I’m sorry for the difficult situation you are currently in following your parents answering God’s call many years ago.

However, the Board of General Superintendents does not have direct oversight of matters related to a local church pastor; such concerns are referred to the District. I am happy to forward your email to the superintendent of the Canada West district as well as the legal department for their awareness.

Sincerely,


Joy Hartke
Administrative Director

Office of the Board of General Superintendents

RESPONSE FROM:
STAN REEDER, DISTRICT SUPERINTENDENT
OREGON PACIFIC DISTRICT CHURCH OF THE NAZARENE

Hi Evajean,

Thanks for the note you sent to the General Church regarding your status troubles. I can only imagine what a problem this has been for you: this is such a hassle!

We’ll try to learn from this struggle in order to help others not have the same issues.

Thank you for your lifetime of faithfulness to the Lord and all the best to you!

Stan

Now, I have sent the same email to:

Rev. Rose Brower-Young

District Superintendent

Canada West District Church of the Nazarene

Rev David Mowry

District Superintendent

Northwest District Church of the Nazarene

Just to let them know that this may happen.
RESPONSE FROM:
JOY LINDNER,
ASSISTANT TO THE DISTRICT SUPERINTENDENT
NORTHWEST DISTRICT CHURCH OF THE NAZARENE

Evajean,

I have forwarded your email to Rev. Mowry.

What an ordeal! I hope your case is resolved soon. Thanks for the heads up on this issue!

Blessings,
Joy
Joy Lindner
Assistant to the District Superintendent
Northwest District Church of the Nazarene

I just read an article about a kid in England whose favorite person in the whole world is Premier League Soccer star Mo Salah. The boy and his brother were hanging around outside of Liverpool’s Melwood Training Ground last week-end when one of the boys saw Salah’s car and raced after it and —whoops! Plowed straight into a telephone pole!! Salah turned around and hopped out to check on the boy and ended up giving a few hugs and posing for a few photos. The boys’ stepfather tweeted out a sweet note of thanks. “He loves you so much and the pain went away instantly when you came to give them a hug,” he wrote, calling Salah a “top man and a true gent.”

That poor kid! Standing there with a fat lip but beaming with joy in the picture!

unnamed

I feel for this kid.

You see your goal in the distance and you race after it and SMACK ! Some obstacle jumps up out of nowhere and stops you in your tracks.

My life is a lot like this little boy’s.

I’m just trying to live and get through the day and I lose my job, search frantically for another one, can’t get hired, all the time trying to get a stupid Oregon Drivers License…

Yesterday I went out to the car to go pick up my prescription and my smart key (not so smart) wouldn’t unlock the door.

I pinched it and banged it (I’m sure that was really good for it) on the fence and it refused to work. I wondered what on earth was wrong. I’ve had the car for 6 years and this has never happened. (You, dear reader, are probably thinking it could be the battery…) I stood there by the car wondering if there was a battery in there. I don’t claim to be a member of MENSA.

I went in the house and got on the computer to see if there was a you tube about changing the battery in a smart key. Derr. There is a you tube about EVERYTHING.

So I found one that was for (if you can believe it) a 2013 Kia Soul. I watched it a couple of times and stared at this stupid key. I had never paid that close attention to it in 6 years. But I followed the directions and cracked it open and there before my eyes was a battery. It was about the size of a quarter. 3 Volts. I laughed. That must be some powerful battery to last 6 years! And, then I was astonished. This never happens! I was sure I had a couple of fresh ones exactly like it!! I thought, “I could still get to the pharmacy in time!!!”

I changed out the battery and snapped the key shut and hurried out to the car. I pinched the key and NOTHING. I stood there by the car and broke open the key. Couldn’t get the disc out. I rummaged in my purse and got out my little mini scissors and used the tip of one blade to flip out the disc. While wondering why I was trying to do this outside, and attempting to prevent the battery from being blown out of my hand ending up out on the highway, I managed to put it back in other side up and snapped the key shut and pinched it again. NOTHING.

Back in the house again, I wondered what the neighbors were thinking about me rushing back and forth from the house to my car numerous times with my purse slung over my shoulder.

I decided maybe the battery I put in was a dud. Well, yes, genius, it was a dud. (Uh, excuse me, I already said I wasn’t a member of MENSA.) So I tore open another one and tried that one. NOTHING.

Due to my stupefying powers of deduction, I believe it’s not the battery.

I am now stuck at home.

To get to a Kia dealer I will have to go 68 miles to Beaverton or 89 miles to West Linn.

I could take my key to someone here in Tillamook, but it could cost me.

I had another moment of amusement when it occurred to me that God might be trying to encourage me not to drive anywhere with no valid license. Consequently that began a rather befuddled conversation with myself about the number of people in this country who drive around with expired licenses or no license ever, and why He isn’t spending more time “encouraging” THEM to stop driving…

2019 08 13 Busted: A Flash of Intelligence!

(this chapter has now been added to Busted:  The Whole Stupid Story.)

 

I’ve had to sit for a moment and breathe deeply.

OK

I’ve collected myself and wiped my eyes.

I just got off the phone with a wonderful lady named Chris in the office of United States Senator Ron Wyden’s office.

Really!!  I am not joking!!

Senator Wyden asked her to call me and find out a little more about what is going on.

She asked questions and I answered and explained a little more in detail, trying not to overload her.  I told her that I kept a blog about all this, but it’s so long, I doubt anyone wants to read it.

I’m amazed.

She is going to email me a form to sign so they can have permission to contact Immigration.

Yes!!  Really!!

She is emailing me a list of documents she would like me to assemble.

And she will note in my email all the things we talked about so that I don’t miss something.

Frankly, I was so astonished that I am sure there are some things I might have missed.

Bless her.  She sounds so intelligent.  And articulate.  And alert.  And she understood everything I told her.  I was so impressed.  She sounds efficient and capable.

In my devotions this morning I was thinking about Romans 8:26…  26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” (King James Version)

or …  from The Message:  26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”

That’s how I felt these last few days.  I don’t even know how to pray any more.  I don’t even know what I need. I’m tired of it all.  I’m tired of talking about it.

But, this is a life boat in the storm.  Look at this beautiful email.

 

8/13/19

Good afternoon,

Thank you for your time today.  It was nice to speak with you.

Attached please find our Privacy Release Form for your reference.  Please complete the form and return it to me by email or by fax at (503) 326-7528.  You do not need to list a “Case Number.”  

Further, I would recommend that you provide the following documentation to support your Form I-912 Fee Waiver application:

  • Proof that you are receiving $30 /month in food assistance
  • Bank statement
  • Collection notice for medical bill
  • Social Security earnings statement
  • Proof that unemployment benefits have expired

I hope this helps.  Please let me know when you are prepared to file the application again.  I can draft a letter of support for the Senator to sign.  Take care, and thank you again for your time.

Sincerely,

Chris Maier

Office of Senator Ron Wyden

 

She is thanking me for my time.  I know that’s just courtesy but I thanked her several times for calling me.  (I didn’t tell her that I never believed I would hear from anyone.)

I am cautiously optimistic.

I am going to follow her directions this afternoon and get everything ready to go.  I will complete the privacy form and send it back.

And now, we wait with renewed faith!!

Thank you, Lord!

And my deepest thanks to anyone who reads my blog — all 5 of you.  ( LOL)

woo hoo!!!!

 

 

 

2019 08 12 Fragile … and Short

 

I felt fragile this morning. So many stupid things are preventing my life from being smooth.

 

But, why should I get smooth sailing?  What makes me think I should get special treatment?

 

There are a lot of people who are just trying to keep their kayak right side up.

 

But it’s difficult to feel encouraged when you see people that are succeeding and accomplishing their goals and celebrating. Their boats are being blown in the right direction and their sails are straight.

 

The rest of us are still trying to get our sails untangled. Or making sure our keel is even with our jibe and our port is not heeling with our jib. Or something like that…

 

Since I began my path to transformation, I have been so excited. I have never done this well at weight loss.  It’s because I have never felt so healthy.  There are a lot of programs out there.  A million books about getting healthy and fit.  A million videos on getting in shape.  According to data by Marketdata Enterprises, a market research firm that specializes in tracking niche industries, Americans spend north of $60 billion annually to try to lose pounds, on everything from paying for gym memberships and joining weightloss programs to drinking diet soda.

I’m so relieved to have found the best one ever.  I’ll always be grateful to Dr Wayne Scott Anderson for developing his amazing Habits of Health.

I’ve felt wonderful.  Perky.

I love that I have lost nearly 40 pounds.

I am shocked that I spent 41 minutes on the elliptical this morning.

Make no mistake!!  I am proud of how far I have come from those days of turning off all the lights and hiding on the floor in my bedroom when someone came to the door because I didn’t want anyone to see me.

I am basically an optimistic person.  I really believe that things will get better.

 

But..  I do wonder how long it will take for all my little ducks to get in a row.

Right now, I’m trying to keep my boat from scattering them every where in a cloud of feathers.

 

The little things are wearing on me.

  1. My quest for proof of citizenship.
  2. My drivers license has now expired. The one I had in Washington.
  3. According to the sheriff that pulled me over in August of 2018, I have been driving without a license since 2014.
  4. My license tabs will expire the end of August.
  5. After that, if I drive, I take a chance on getting pulled over.
  6. Looking for a job has been futile. I’ve been unemployed since November 2018.
  7. My unemployment ran out in May.
  8. I have written to Immigration, my US Senator, my Congressman.

 

They say it’s ok to go somewhere and have a crying jag, but you shouldn’t unpack and set up house.  I haven’t taken a suitcase or anything like that but some days I do feel like maybe taking my lunch…

 

Today, in “Jesus Calling” I read a few words that were [I don’t believe in coincidences where God is concerned..] a surprise but shouldn’t have been. I continually marvel at the way God has used Sarah Young to touch hearts today even though she wrote those words 7 years ago.

 

“Do not compare yourself with others who seem to skip along their life-paths with ease. Their journeys have been different from yours, and I have gifted them with abundant energy. I have gifted you with [a lot like being short] fragility, providing you with opportunities for your spirit to blossom in My Presence. [I’m about as pleased with that as I am the gift of shortness.] Accept this gift as a sacred treasure, delicate, yet glowing with a brilliant light. Rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow Me to bless you richly through it.”

 

Sigh.  So not only am I very short, but I am fragile.  I never considered myself fragile.  I have a tendency towards thin-skin reactions, but I just chalk that up to righteous indignation.  sure.  If you believe that…  I know a bridge for sale…

 

I do know that we were all created by God with all sorts of unique individuality.  As I churn forward in my attempt to become the almighty independent woman, I have moments of reality where I say to my cats, “What in the Sam Hill was I thinking?  I need a keeper.  Or sent to a home!”

 

I know that God is gracious and understanding.

 

Sarah Young writes, “ [Jesus speaking] I do not despise your weakness, My child.  Actually, it draws Me closer to you because weakness stirs up My compassion – My yearning to help.  Accept yourself in your weariness, knowing that I understand how difficult your journey has been.”

 

 

Isaiah 42:1 (The Message)

“Take a good look at my servant.
I’m backing him to the hilt.
He’s the one I chose,
and I couldn’t be more pleased with him.
I’ve bathed him with my Spirit, my life.
 

 

Isaiah 54: 10 (The Message)

For even if the mountains walk away
and the hills fall to pieces,
My love won’t walk away from you,
my covenant commitment of peace won’t fall apart.”
The God who has compassion on you says so.

 

 

So, God has my back.  I have no idea what He has planned. Or… how long He plans to take to get some things accomplished…

I’ve committed to trusting Him and I will just watch and wait and see what unfolds.

My dad always said, “If you don’t know what to do, do what you KNOW to do, and then you will KNOW what to do.”  You might need to read that again.

So I just am going to keep on plowing forward.

 

YOU ARE THERE

 

Lord, you took the fibers of my being

And knit them to your will before my birth

You molded and predestined me

Before I drew a breath

And you gave me all I’d need to walk this earth

 

You know what I’ll say before I say it

You go before and even follow after me

You place your hand of blessing on my head and on my heart

And it seems too great and glorious to believe!

 

I can never be lost to your spirit

I can never get away from your love

If I go up to the heavens or descend to earth below, you are there!

If I ride the wings of morning to the ocean, even there your hand will guide and strengthen me

If I try to hide in darkness, still your light shines through and you are there!

You are there!

 

Based on Psalm 139

 

 

2019 08 09 Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But the Wounds From Your Words May Never Heal

 

You know that little school yard adage:   “Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

Well…  It is a huge LIE.

Sticks and stones can break bones but words can hurt long after the wounds from sticks and stones are healed.

Many of us just spew words.  We don’t think about consequences.  Our brain opens up the trap door and out comes all this stuff.  We haven’t taken the time to look it over or check to see who these words could damage.

We’ve all said, “Well, I heard… “

Damage done.

The words are out.  You can’t un-say stuff.

You can say sorry.

But sorry doesn’t make anything better.

 

 

Michael L Palmer writes:

 

As follow-up to the fiery conversation on words, I wanted to offer the work of scholars much smarter than I.

In her book, “Braving the Wilderness”, Dr. Brene’ Brown builds on the powerful work done by Dr. Michelle Maiese, the chair of the Philosophy department at Emmanuel College where they examine the weaponizing of words (by the powerful) and how those words are used to dehumanize and, eventually, create space for the harm and (at it’s most horrific) death of the vulnerable:

“Dehumanization always starts with language, often followed by images. We see this throughout history. During the Holocaust, Nazis describe Jews as untermenschen- subhuman. They called Jews rats and depicted them as disease-carrying rodents in everything from military pamphlets to children’s books. Hutus involved in the Rwandan genocide called Tutsis cockroaches. Indigenous people are often referred to as savages. Serbs called Bosnians aliens. Slave owners throughout history considered slaves subhuman animals.”

She goes on to say:

Successful dehumanizing…creates moral exclusion. Groups targeted based on their identity- gender, ideology, skin color, ethnicity, religion, age- are depicted as “less than” or criminal or even evil.” (pg. 73)

Those who are evil are no longer protected by the code of being a good neighbor. Instead, they become a problem to be dealt with instead of a fellow human to be engaged with. We love and serve our fellow humans. We call an exterminator for things that infest our homes.

“Infestation.” 
“Invasion”
“Sh*thole countries”

These words aren’t “just words.” 
They are having an impact. Can we see it?

 

 

I’m sure you’ve all heard the story about the woman who was a terrible gossip.  (Why does it always have to be a woman??)  Let me know if I get some of this wrong… 

She was becoming a menace and finally someone sued her for defamation.  I am not exactly sure about that part.   But, she ended up in court.  She stood before the judge and he told her he was not going to put her in jail, even though she had been a burr under everyone’s saddle for years.

The judge told her to come back the next day with a feather pillow.

“Huh?” she wondered. “Am I spending the night?  Weird.”

The next day she arrived in court with her pillow. 

The judge had a policeman standing by.

He told the policeman to take the woman and her pillow up on to the highest hill in the county.

He said, “I’ve given the instructions to the officer and I will see you back here tomorrow.”

So, they went out to the car along with the pillow and the officer took her up the highest hill.

When they reached the top, they got out.  It was windy and she had to hold on to the officers arm.

The officer said, “You are to rip open the pillow and let all the feathers out.”

The woman was horrified.  I can’t do that!  The feathers will blow every where!!”

“Those are the Judge’s orders.  Do it.”

So, she ripped open the pillow and out came thousands of feathers. 

The wind caught them and they flew high in the sky.

The officer and the woman stood there watching the feathers swirling out over the valley.

The officer led the woman back to the car and helped her in.

Back in the court room the following day, the woman was once again in front of the judge.

The judge stood up and leaned over his desk and looked down at the woman.

“You have tormented this town with your malicious talk.  You have spread your acerbic venom everywhere, with no thought for the feelings of others.  Today, you will go out and retrieve every single feather to that pillow case.”

The woman burst into tears!  “You know I can’t do that!!  It’s impossible!!”

The judge eyed her with a look that sent shivers down her spine.

“That is what you have been doing all these years. Where the feathers went?   That’s how far your horrid vicious words have gone!  Just like those feathers, your destructive words traveled everywhere and they have damaged reputations, broken up friendships, ruined marriages, and caused a division in the town.  You have a lot of work to do. You had better get busy.  And you had better not show your face in this court room ever again.”

 

 

We have just got to start being more careful with our words!!!

A man that I loved very much at one time–and nearly married–said some things to me that are etched in my brain forever.  Wicked, virulent, crushing words said in the heat of the moment.  I cannot un-hear those words.  I will never forget them. Those and many others killed all the love I had for him and sucked all the emotion out of me. 

I see on Facebook sometimes couples who are divorcing begin trashing each other for all the world to see.  How do you think this makes the children feel?  And why do people want to air their dirty laundry out over Facebook land???  Where is any self-control???   No wonder people jump to conclusions and take sides!!!  No wonder the rumor mill spins madly.  Especially in small communities!!!

 

“You have minds like a snake pit! How do you suppose what you say is worth anything when you are so foul-minded? It’s your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words. A good person produces good deeds and words season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard. Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation.”

            –Matthew 12:34-37 (The Message)

The loose tongue of the godless spreads destruction; the common sense of the godly preserves them.

            –Proverbs 11:9 (The Message)

This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!

            –James 3:7-10 (The Message)

 

Why do you think there is so much in the Bible about the poison tongue?  Because humans from the very beginning were lying all the time.  And they were using their tongues for evil. 

What is that little thing? 

“Make sure your words are soft and sweet.  Who knows which ones you’ll have to eat?”

One of my favorite television shows is “Midsomer Murders” a British Mystery Series on Netflix.  Even though this is for pure entertainment, there are some very powerful lessons to be learned from watching some television.  I’m not saying all.  But some.

There is an episode where a wealthy elderly couple lives in a village and in past years they would take in orphan girls.  They raised them, fed them, clothed them and educated them.  The girls are all grown and moved away.  The gentlemen’s wife has passed away.  He is still a greatly respected member of the village. In fact, he has been nominated to become the High Sheriff.   

A man who is black mailing several people in the village is found dead in his house.  One of his victims turns out to be this elderly gentleman. He concocts a story accusing the gentleman of abusing the girls.  This, of course, is not the case.  The gentleman receives several hand delivered threatening notices ordering him to pay or the story will go to the papers.   During the investigation, the detectives visit him because he has the same house cleaner as all the other people being blackmailed. At first he denies it.  The detectives return to his home a few days later and find him slumped over at his kitchen table in an attempt to kill himself.  They rush him to the hospital. 

As the sergeant and the chief inspector are waiting at the hospital for news, the sergeant asks the inspector why the gentleman did such a thing when he wasn’t even guilty.  The chief inspector replies with a quote:

“Good name in man and woman, dear my lord,
Is the immediate jewel of their souls:
Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing;
’twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands;
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him,
And makes me poor indeed.”

–William Shakespeare

 It didn’t matter that the elderly man was innocent.  The word had gotten out.  Now there would always be people saying, “Well…  I heard…”  His reputation was ruined.  He was branded. 

Let’s not spread gossip.  Let’s not start a sentence, ever, with, “I heard…”

Let’s all start using our brain more and our ears more and our mouths less.  And when we open our mouths, let’s pray that what comes out will be uplifting and kind and courteous and compassionate.  Our friends, our neighbors, our towns, our country, the world needs to hear words of encouragement and understanding. 

 

 

Image may contain: 1 person, closeup, text that says 'Being rude is easy. It does not take any effort and is a sign of weakness and insecurity. Kindness shows great self-discipline and strong self-esteem. Being is not always easy when dealing with rude people. Kindness is a sign of person who has done a lot of personal work and has come to a great self-understanding and wisdom. Choose to be kind over being right, and you'll be right time because kindness is sign of STRENGTH. Attitude to Inspiration'

2019 08 06 Busted: And the wait goes on…

(editor’s note:  This chapter has been added to the Document:  Busted – The Whole Story)

 

Well…

Since I am running out of options…

I decided to contact my senators and congressman.

I’ve never done that in my life.

Of course, I never felt the need before.

But this has gotten stupider and stupider.

I wanted to write a letter and send copies of my blog so they could see the whole stupid sordid story.

But they all have multiple addresses!!

Who knows where they are at any moment?

So I succumbed to the technological society in which we are forced to live and chose the email option.

 

I sent this to Senator Ron Wyden and to Congressman Kurt Schrader.

I attempted to send it to Senator Jeff Merkley, but his web page just sends me around in circles.

 

“It is impossible to explain to you in 3400 characters what I have been through this past year in my eternal quest of citizenship. I have lived in the US since 1966.  I came to Oregon in 2014 from Washington state with a valid Washington State Drivers License to care for my elderly father.  When I decided to stay on in Oregon I went to the DMV to get an Oregon license and they refused me until I could prove American citizenship.  I was born in Canada of American citizens working there and since last August I have been battling with the USCIS to get a document for proof of citizenship.  Part of the problem is that they have rejected my request for a fee waiver — I do not have $1076.00 !!!!  I am unemployed and I get a small social security check.  My unemployment ran out in May 2019 so I am just barely getting by.  I have run out of options.  My Washington drivers license has expired as of July 25th and my Washington license tabs on my car will expire on August 31.  If you ever have time and you would like to see the whole ridiculous story, you can read it at:

 

 https://musingsbyevajean.wordpress.com/2019/06/08/2019-06-07-busted-the-whole-story/

 

Thank you for taking time from your very busy schedule to read this.  Anything you could do would be much appreciated.”

 

 

And now we wait some more…

2019 08 02 BUSTED … who knows what chapter we’re up to?

(editor’s note:  this chapter has been added to the Document:  Busted – The Whole Story.)

 

I’ve been thinking…

My birthday was July 25th.

So, Happy Birthday to me…  my Washington Driver’s license is now expired.  That was a tiny thread that was giving me a false sense of security while I am driving illegally around town here in Oregon…

The last day of August, my Washington tabs on my Washington plates expire.

Have I heard from Immigration?

Nope.

Am I nervous?

Uh..  not really.  You get to the point where stuff keeps happening that is so stupid that you can’t believe that anything else stupid will happen…

And then I remember that this is my life we’re talking about…

My life…  where I forget to bring a towel with me to take a shower and I have to dry off with a wash cloth..

My life..  where I stack some things by the door to take to the car and walk right by them to go to the car..

My life… where I step with one foot on the flip flop on the other foot and trip myself and fall through the front door into the house..

My life… where in the middle of the night I yank the sheet up to my neck and jam my thumb nail into my lip..  yes, it bled…

My cats despair of me..

So, I decided to write a letter to my friend, the Judge:

Dear Sir,

I was privileged to be in your court room some time ago.  I have attached my story to refresh your memory.  I’m sorry it is so long and tedious.  Maybe you could save it and read it when you retire.

A short summary:  I was pulled over for speeding in 2018 and the discovery was made that I had been in Tillamook since 2014 and had failed to change my drivers license from Washington to Oregon.  Same with plates and tags.

There began the long depressing process of trying to get proof of citizenship.  You were so kind to give me 2 extensions.  Your predecessor gave me one.  I deeply appreciate your kindness giving me until December of 2019 for my next appearance. 

I think I know the answer before I ask, but at this point, as you are well aware, I am sure, I am grasping at straws.

My Washington drivers license expired on July 25th of this year.  My Washington tags will expire on August 31 of this year.  I am well aware that I should not even be driving, but I live alone and I am still searching for a job.  I’ve been laid off since November of 2018. 

Would your conscience – or the law — allow you to write me a short letter just saying that due to the fact that my case is in process, I do not have the proper drivers license or plates or tabs.  And that as soon as my case is resolved, so will the issue of my license and plates and tabs. 

If you are unable to honor my request, I am fine with it.  I will just be back to once again throw myself on the mercy of the court. 🙂

I would never ask for anything that would be suspect or in any way illegal so I certainly appreciate your position and I expect that you will respond accordingly.

I can’t thank you enough for your kindness and understanding in the court room.

 

And now, I wait…

I mean — I continue to wait..

and drive the speed limit..

and always signal..

and do everything that I can to stay within the law..

and hope that I hear from Immigration or the Judge before the Sheriff pulls me over…

or ICE arrives at my door…

 

 

2019 07 19 I Barely Survived a Relationship With a Narcissist Manic Depressive Man

I was in a relationship for 10 years with a Narcissist Manic Depressive.

 

The term “narcissism” has been in use for thousands of years. The ancient Greek mythological figure Narcissus was famous for his preoccupation with himself. Upon seeing his reflection in a lake, he fell in love with himself and eventually wasted away because he would not stop admiring the mirage. The field of psychoanalysis delved into narcissism in the early 1900s, and in 1914, Freud published On Narcissism: An Introduction.

 

What is a narcissist?

  1. One way listening
  2. Selfish behavior
  3. Rules are for other people
  4. Motivated by praise
  5. All or nothing responses
  6. Shifting the blame game
  7. Leaps of anger

One good thing – they are generous – except if the person is also manic depressive which leads to spending every dime they have and are always broke.

 

How to Deal With a Narcissist:

  1. Set boundaries. Decide where your limit is. Stick to it even as they try to punish, charm, or bully you.
  2. Criticize gently. They may get angry if you threaten their self-image. Focus on how their behavior makes you feel rather than on their intentions.
  3. Walk away if they become angry. Try again when they’re calm.
  4. Don’t argue. They probably won’t hear you and may attack your motives.

 

 

What is Manic Depressive Behavior?  (Or Bi-Polar)

 

Manic Period: 

 

  • long period of feeling “high” – an overly elated, happy, and outgoing mood
  • feeling extremely irritable
  • being easily distracted
  • having racing thoughts
  • talking very fast
  • jumping from one thought to another when talking
  • taking on a lot of new projects
  • restlessness
  • boundless energy
  • sleeping very little
  • not feeling tired
  • unrealistically believing you can do something
  • engaging in impulsive, pleasurable, and high-risk behaviors (e.g., poor financial investments, sexual indiscretions, shopping sprees)
  • inflated self-esteem
  • feelings of grandiosity
  • increased agitation
  • increased goal-directed activity
  • high sex drive
  • making grand and unattainable plans
  • detachment from reality – psychosis that may include delusions or hallucinations

Depressive Period

  • feeling sad, tearful, hopeless, or empty for the majority of the day on a daily basis
  • no pleasure or interest in day to day activities
  • weight fluctuations – including significant weight loss or weight gain
  • sleep disturbances – sleeping too much or other sleep problems, such as insomnia
  • restlessness or slowed behaviors
  • suicidal thoughts, planning, or attempts
  • feelings of guilt and worthlessness
  • inability to concentrate
  • indecisiveness
  • loss of energy
  • feelings of fatigue
  • psychosis – being detached from reality; delusions or hallucinations
  • loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
  • anxiety
  • uncontrollable crying

 

Medications and psychotherapy are the most commonly prescribed treatment plans for people suffering from bipolar disorder. And the success rate of these treatment plans is great if followed correctly and consistently.

 

 

 

So, you can see, that for 10 years, my life was chaos.  I can’t begin to describe the pain and suffering I felt.  Now I just wonder why.  I’ve asked myself a million times why I stayed.  The only thing I can think of is that I kept believing it would get better.  It only got worse. 

 

So now.  I am free.  I am gloriously single.  I will never give up my power to be the person I want to be ever again.

 

But I have some very strong opinions about marriage and relationships. 

 

 

Ephesians 5:25-28 

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

 

I am sad that there are so many marriages falling apart. 

But, I am more sad as I look at marriages these days that are so blah. 

We start out so madly in love – well, most of us.  There are some around the world that still marry because their parents arrange it. 

But for the most part, I don’t understand what happens.

What goes on inside people’s heads as the marriage begins to get old and dusty?  Days go by and weeks go by…  conversation goes away…  we lose touch… 

We blame it on being busy.  A lot of it is just laziness.  It takes work to have a good marriage. 

Are we really too busy to save our marriages?

I heard a very successful entrepreneur say that he and his wife schedule EVERYTHING.  Even their weekly date-nights.  Because it is vital to stay connected. 

But maybe there are a lot of married women who have given up because they feel like they’re married to someone who doesn’t even seem to care. 

No wonder divorce is out of control.

Yes, there are women who pick at their husbands constantly.  Nag, nag, nag.  Men just stop listening.

Who wants to be married to a harpy? 

But, at the risk of being accused of bias, some men just never quite get it.  I wonder if they don’t just get married so they can assure themselves of a cook, housekeeper, laundress, nanny, sex object, maid in waiting, concubine…

Women sometimes get married to get away from home.  Ugh.  That’s the definition of jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. 

You cannot get married for all the wrong reasons and expect to have a happy marriage.

 

It’s a no brainer. Both people have to communicate.  You can’t go through life never talking – unless you’re a hermit.

You absolutely cannot have a relationship and never talk!!! 

I did a survey a few days ago…  Mainly from the women’s point of view – since that’s what I know best. 

Although, I certainly understand  that women are not perfect or blameless,  I do not agree with the statement that “it takes two to tango.”  When someone says that to me,   it tells me that this person is obviously still not adult enough to be married – or in a relationship.  We need to stop passing blame and stand up and take responsibility for our crappy behavior.  People need to BOTH give 100% — not 50% each.

There are women out there who would give their right arm, to have a husband who would show love and affection.  I was blessed.  I had a front row seat watching one of the best relationships ever.  There was no doubt in my mind that my parents loved each other.  My parents were a joy to watch.  (When I got old enough to stop making gagging noises when they kissed.)  My dad hugged my mother often.  They kissed in the kitchen.  They held hands in bed.  They sat together on the couch. They held hands sitting on the couch.  They held hands walking down the street.   My dad would put his arm around my mom if they were lucky enough to be able to sit together in church.  When my mom was dying, my dad sat in a chair by her bed day and night.  Often he leaned in and kissed her forehead.  He would say to us, “I’m cherishing – you know, the part where it says to love and cherish?” 

I tried, but I just couldn’t manage a marriage like that.  

I have said a zillion times in my life, “If only a man knew how easy it was to keep his wife happily adoring her husband.  Hugs and kisses in the day time. Cuddling or spooning at night – not only when he wants sex.   Showing her all the time how much he loves her.”  And no, love does NOT mean never having to say you’re sorry. 

I dated a man who was diagnosed with prostate cancer.  He wanted to break up because he said he was no longer a man.  In his mind, a man who can’t have sex is not a man.  But, you see, he was only thinking about one thing.  And in my opinion. he had a rather skewed idea about how a relationship should work.  There comes a time when (believe it or not) sex is not the number one priority in a relationship.  If I were ever to be married again (NO!!!  DON’T MAKE ME!!!) if my man hugged and kissed me and we had great communication and we had lots of fun together – who cares about anything else????  Yes, I am old. 

 

To the person who can’t understand how it would be to have a life with no sex:  It’s easy!!  There is so much more to life than sex!!!  Really!!! And it’s a choice I have made.  And I am quite delighted about it!  I would not trade my single life for all the tea in china.  (I don’t know who made that up or what it means.  Weird how we say stuff like that and everyone knows what you mean but they have no clue what that actually means..  but I digress…)

 

Men, here are the results: 

  1. must have job
  2. must have car
  3. That he is there for you and not married to his lap top
  4. He’s gotta be willing to be a part of this big, loud, fun loving family of ours
  5. Honesty
  6. Good mental health
  7. You’ve got to be able to talk.  It makes life more interesting when sitting side by side in your rockers at a very old age!
  8. Respect
  9. courtesy
  10. reliable beats romantic and unstable.
  11. A man with a heart for God.
  12. Hygiene!!
  13. I love that he opens the car door for me!
  14. Slow to anger
  15. Keeps his promises
  16. We need a man who says what he means. ,
  17. sees your true value
  18. doesn’t want to change you
  19. understands sex is good part but not the whole part of relationship
  20. loves family and children
  21. builds not destroys
  22. listens and even if you repeat doesn’t say I don’t need to hear that again
  23. has empathy for others and life
  24. relationship blessed by God
  25. not someone who just wants a nurse or a purse or a chauffeur
  26. a gentleman

 

From my friend, Sharon:  

As you know, I spent the last 25 years of my life as a counselor/therapist, and many women came to see me because they were believers who had had failed relationships and couldn’t figure out why it kept happening.

Eventually it came down to them having no clear idea of their own non-negotiables for entering a relationship. But even before that, they had no clear idea of their own worth and why they could consider a man only if he was worthy of them—and met the criteria.

They would constantly be deceived by any loser who claimed to love them—because they felt desperate to be loved.

1) You MUST sort yourself out first and not form a relationship out of your own neediness. You must start with your knowledge of yourself as the daughter of the King who is already deeply loved. That takes time, usually outside help (pastor, group Bible study, counseling, discipleship, etc.), reading, and the discipline not to jump into relationships.

2) You also need to be careful that you don’t let other temporal successes give you a temporal (and possibly temporary) false sense of worth.

3) You also will need the list you asked about in your question above and commit yourself to holding fast to it, even if it means never re-entering a romantic relationship. There are VERY few older quality men out there.

I found after Ray died that the good ones were almost always widowers who had been in good marriages for a long time previously, and wished to remarry because they highly valued a good marriage relationship. (As your friend said above—a relationship—not a nurse and a purse!) 1*! – 1*! – 1*! ****** 👉And the VERY FIRST requirement on your list should always be a mature believer whose highest commitment is to the Lord. If that is so, he will already be obeying God in the way he accepts responsibility in life as a godly man, and in the way he treats you!

 

If you don’t see your own worth,

you’ll always choose people who don’t see it either.

 

2019 06 26 The Light at the End of the Tunnel Does NOT Have to Be an On-Coming Train

This is going to sound like a big sales pitch. 

I can’t help it. 

This is the coolest program I have ever tried. 

Check this out.

Don’t be scared.

If someone sees you reading this, they won’t tell on you.

No one will call you.

No one will be knocking on your door.

No one will robo call you. 

The world is full of people handing out advice.  You should do this.  You should do that.  I get tired of it.

Why?  Because they are usually telling me to do something I should do.  And I really don’t like to be told to do something that I know I should do. 

Why?  Because I am already kicking myself because I haven’t done that thing that I am supposed to do. 

Why?  Because I really don’t wanna.

When it comes to losing weight…  I am the kung foo master of NOT NOW.

 

When I can’t find anything to wear that makes me look skinny, I wonder why I can’t just wake up tomorrow morning and BE skinny.

When I go to a party and there is an endless smorgasbord of gorgeous food, I pretend I am just so full.  I walk by and pick one thing and put it on my plate.  About eleventy-two times. 

The next day I say to myself, “Why did you do that? That just means one more day longer that you will have to diet!” 

I have started a million diets on Monday, only to fail on Tuesday.

I have spent a multitude of Monday mornings saying to myself, “If not now, WHEN???”

It’s like anything else in this world.  You can go through the motions, but until you want it bad enough, nothing will ever change.

I know that no one can make me change my lifestyle except me.

I have been “fluffy” my whole life.  Let’s face it.  The word is OBESE.

Over the years I have missed out on so much because I couldn’t face going in public.  I’ve missed weddings and funerals and special occasions by feigning a migraine.   

 

I lost my job in November of 2018.  I was discouraged, depressed, miserable, and I had gotten to the place where I didn’t want to leave the house.  I hated the sight of my body and didn’t want to subject others to the same sight!!!  I felt terrible.  I couldn’t do anything.  I felt exhausted all the time.  All day long I ate and watched TV.  It was a terrible life!  The heavier I got the worse I felt!  I was the heaviest I’ve been in my life.

I thought, “This is it.  Next on the agenda:  A Freight Train to run me over and put me out of my misery.  (I’m so dramatic.  Don’t worry.  I don’t have the guts to do that.)

When we’re carrying all that extra weight it’s a drag!!  It’s like carrying 2 or 3 big bags of cat food!!  I buy cat food in the 22 pound bag and I’ve been carrying 5 of those around with me for many years.  Yikes!!  I can hardly hoist ONE!!

I had been watching my friend Debbie Blackwell.  She had lost a lot of weight and has kept it off for several years.  She looks fabulous!  She kept posting about this great program and I kept telling myself I couldn’t just stay in this state the rest of my life!  I am not getting any younger.  I live alone and I don’t want to end up in a nursing home because I am so un-healthy that I can’t do anything for myself!  THAT frightens me.  AND I want to be healthy so I can hang out with my grandchildren. 

So, one day I finally told her I was ready.

I took the plunge.

BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!

Why?

IN A NUT SHELL?

  1. I feel fabulous!! 
  2. The first night, I SLEPT!!
  3. I am sharper and more alert!!
  4. I feel perky!
  5. I’ve never been this excited about a program EVER!
  6. It’s fun!!
  7. When I eat the food, I think I can hear my body applauding.
  8. I can’t wait to get up in the morning and weigh myself.
  9. I feel good!! My knees and shoulders don’t hurt!!  (I know.  )
  10. I feel like doing stuff!! Housework and …  yikes!  Even WEEDING!! 
  11. I have absolutely zero desire to cheat. I don’t care about pizza or cheeseburgers (and I so dearly love them) but I am so stoked on this program I just can’t wait to get to my goal!!  And I have a long way to go!!
  12. Wanna feel like me? Wanna be excited about the future?  Wanna feel like shopping for cute clothes?  Wanna stop having aches and pains?  Want to flood your body with real scientifically created, perfectly designed, stunningly healthy food? 
  13. Do you want to look and feel healthier than you’ve ever felt? Do you want it more than pizza, tacos, cheeseburgers, and beer?
  14. Message me on Facebook. Or email me evajeanb@gmail.com  

2019 06 23 Don’t Stop Me. I’m On My Way to a Healthy Mind and a Healthy Body.

How do you eat?

Yah.  I know.  With your hands or a fork.  

Many of us would say: Badly.

Everyone who has a chaotic life, raise your hand.

I believe you.

Especially if you have school age children.

There’s after school sports.

Music lessons.

Dance class.

4 H.

And a host of other activities.

If you work, you somehow have to get kids where they need to go in all directions.

Then you have to figure out how to pick them all up and get all of you home.

Then you have to create dinner in 5 minutes.

My experience has been fast food too many times a week.

Eating out much too often.

Ordering pizza too often.

And in between, too many trips to the grocery store.

Because I forgot my list and had to go back.

Or I couldn’t plan ahead because I was too tired and I just ran out of time.

I remember going to the grocery store and telling myself, “Just think about tonight’s dinner and don’t worry about tomorrow. Let’s just get home and get dinner on the table.”

When I was very young, we lived in Canada. 

My mother cooked and we rarely went out.

Going to the A & W was a once a year treat.

By the way, the first A & W in Canada opened in Winnipeg Manitoba in 1956.

Canada didn’t get their first McDonald’s until 1967 and that was in Richmond, BC.

By the way, that was the first McDonald’s to open outside the US.

Why do I keep talking about McDonald’s?

Because I love McDonald’s.

I would go to McDonalds every day. 

Quarter Pounder with cheese and make it a meal. 

I’m a cheap date. LOL

Anyway, by the time the first McDonald’s arrived in Canada, we had moved to the States..

But I digress.

The problem with going to the store a lot is that you somehow pick up extra stuff that you really don’t need.

So, the more trips you make to the store, the more money you spend, and the more stuff you bring home.

How many of you actually keep track of everything you spend on food? — that means everything.

—groceries

—fast food

—dinner out

—soda at the mini mart

—candy bar at the vending machine

—bag of chips at the gas station

I recommend sitting down and looking at your bank statement or your credit card statement and writing down every expense that had to do with food.

Don’t cheat.

Now add it all up.

How much was it for the whole month?

Are you shocked?

Did you faint?

We don’t realize how much goes out of our wallets just for food!!

I realized that doing this fabulous program costs me less than what I had been spending on food!!!

I felt like fainting!!

Not really.

I was excited!

Because I was determined to do something positive for myself and my future.

And now I have.

I don’t eat out.

I don’t go to McDonalds – except to have coffee with my Besties.

I don’t order Pizza.

I don’t eat Pizza.

Why?

Because I have discovered an amazing new Program that not only has helped me lose weight but has taught me so much about the importance of caring for my body and feeding it nutrition so that I can be healthy long into my old age.

I had to think outside the box.

But I was ready for something to change my life.

I was desperate.

I was willing to take the plunge.

This is great weight loss.

This is creating a healthy body.

This is creating a healthy mind.

And even creating healthy finances!!! 

It’s the smartest thing I have ever done. 

You might wonder how I can get along without fast food.

It’s because I know how I feel when I wake up the next morning!! 

I can go out to dinner any time I want.

But now, I make smart choices.

Because I love the way I feel. 

And I don’t want to wake up and NOT feel this great.

Is having a healthy body and a healthy mind worth giving up pizza for a few months?  Yes.

Is having a healthy body and a healthy mind worth not going to Starbucks for a few months? Yes.

Is having a healthy body and a healthy mind worth not being in a wheelchair when I’m old.  Yes.

No one said I have to go without treats for the rest of my life. 

But after choosing this amazing journey, I think twice about how often I want to eat something a little bit un-healthy.

But if I do, it’s a conscious choice.